Kinomo, my protégé, had scanned the trail ahead and, at length, signaled all clear. Before he’d gone half a step, my insistent hand gesture settled him on his haunches. Grasping his chin none too gently, I turned his head.
There…nestled in the tree was clear sign of the Big Horn people. They were never a large clan, yet they brooked no trespass on that which was theirs. Though we had many game bags yet to fill today, they would not be filled down this path. Like our timber wolf namesakes, we flowed silently back the way we’d come.
This story was written for the Friday Fictioneers weekly prompt. A variety of stories from an exceptionally talented group of fellow writers (all based on this same photo prompt) can be found by following the link button:
Nice feel to this, Jeffrey. Is Kimono, my protege. I like. He's a horse, right? Well written, leaves me wanting more.
ReplyDeletewww.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com/2012/08/casualty-of-war.html
I like the feel of this piece. Strong sense of time and place, even culture. I'm not sure that "dismissive" is how I see that hand motion. I loved your use of "brooked no trespass," however--"brook" doing double duty by emphasizing the natural wildness as well as functioning as a verb, and the phrase itself maintaining the mental & emotional separateness necessary in a survivor.
ReplyDeletehttp://keliwright.wordpress.com/2012/08/17/friday-fictioneers-food/
Thanks for the feedback, Keli. Reading over the piece I noticed my awkward phrasing and rewrote it. Thanks again
DeleteGood storytelling. Particularly like "they brooked no trespass" and "Like our timber wolf namesakes, we flowed silently back the way we’d come".
ReplyDeleteI liked these two phrases a lot, too. To survive, you have to know the signs of danger, whether in nature or otherwise. Good job.
DeleteA great piece of writing Jeffrey.
ReplyDeleteI thought the 100 words flowed really well and left us with the clear message of knowing when it is best to retreat.
There's great flow to this piece, Jeffrey. I was totally immersed in the world you created, and I felt I could have read a whole novel like this.
ReplyDeleteI'm over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/08/17/friday-fictioneers-sin/
A fine piece of writing. Mine is here and linked as well: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/08/17/fridayfictioneers-the-withered-flower/
ReplyDeletegood flow, captured my imagination. Wish it were longer.
ReplyDeleteHi Jeff,
ReplyDeleteExcellent scene building here. I get a very strong sense of setting and a good idea of character. As said before, this would be a fantastic intro to a longer piece.
Nice sense of time and place. It constantly amazes me how many worlds are invented by so few words. Yours is exceptional.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you are able to show and not tell. For example, his protoge gets settled back on his haunches and that connects perfectly with the clan namesake, the wolves.
ReplyDeleteHere's mine:
http://glossarch.wordpress.com/2012/08/17/the-towers-friday-fictioneers/
Sounds like the Big Horn people were powerful enough to know it was time to retreat. Very interesting. I also feel there could be more to this. I'm #30 on the list.
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