As the clouds opened up and the rain came hammering
down with all of the intensity only a jungle downpour could embody, Zed turned
his face to the sky and let the deluge wash the blood and sweat away from his
weathered features. With the sure certainty the fox feels when he has, at last,
slipped free of the hounds, he knew he’d shaken off the troops who’d been
pursuing him throughout most of the night.
His freedom from them hadn’t come without a price. He’d
had to use every dirty trick in his considerable book of such to slow them down
and shake them off, including leaving no less than three of them on the jungle
floor unlikely to ever get back up again.
When the cleansing rain had done its work, no one would
have been able to say with any certainty whether the droplets on his face were
merely rain or the tears of a man who’d now heaped just a little bit more bad
karma onto his already graying soul in the name of satisfying mission
objectives.
This story was written for the 1-year birthday edition of Five Sentence Fiction. The prompt was writer's choice and so, in the spirit, of symmetry I chose "tears" which was the prompt that fell on my own birthday this year. Deepest thanks to Lillie McFerrin for hosting this wonderful weekly challenge. Your efforts to provide a venue for expression are greatly appreciated by this humble one.
Nicely done. You get a feeling for the unnamed protagonist. A great depth of implied back story, too.
ReplyDeleteCheers!
JzB
A great pulsing story, inspiring and full of possibilities, please do more! :)
ReplyDeleteGreat development of a really interesting character, especially that last bit, showing that this isn't the first time he's had to do something like this, but each time it weighs on him just a bit more. Nice one!
ReplyDeleteI love the concept of your character having a conscience and being aware of the heavy price his chosen path will cost him. Very well written!
ReplyDeleteA great story.
ReplyDeleteYou conjure up a great image of this character with him standing there in the rain unsure if the, "...droplets on his face were merely rain or the tears of a man who’d now heaped just a little bit more bad karma onto his already graying soul in the name of satisfying mission objectives." His conscience could very well be his downfall.
The juxtaposition between his freedom and capture/own death and his consience and determination to suceed whatever the cost ... so well explained, really well written.
ReplyDeleteThis was one of the best ones you have done Jeffrey. Don't take that the wrong way! I really got the grittiness of this one. To me it seemed very "filmic".
ReplyDeleteNice one,
W.
A sense of relief with the rain/tears...but still weighing heavy..
ReplyDelete